Quasi-Evil

As procrastination usually entails, I’ve been watching films…

Boudica aka Warrior Queen was both very cool and utter pants. I still can’t make up my mind whether I liked it or not. I liked the costumes (what? I’m a LARPer…I made notes and everything), I liked the way they did their make-up for battle, I liked most of the script, and the acting from the three main women (Boudica and her daughters) was always satisfactory, occasionally excellent. I liked that Boudica was still womanly in the way she acted and reacted; not just a bloke with breasts. The interweaving of magic was a bit pants but mostly bearable. The ending was horrendous, and utter tosh. I’ll probably watch it again, if only to get screencaps of how Boudica’s vambraces were attached.

WALL-E was fantastic, as I knew it would be coming from the same director/writer who did Monsters, Inc. and Finding Nemo.

WALL-E is a Waste Allocation Load Lifter-Earth-Class, the last surviving robot on earth which was abandoned 700 years previously when it could no longer sustain human life thanks to the rubbish produced by mankind. The film takes a very hard look at how we treat our planet and for much of it, pulls no punches in painting the human race as cowardly; choosing to run away sooner than take responsibility for problems of our own making. A nation of obese, uniformed slobs - their bone structure weakening with every generation - is waited on by robots which show far more personality than any of the humans and it’s only when WALL-E arrives, that they begin to wake up from their virtual worlds and realise that there’s more to living than food that comes in plastic cups.

Despite the bleak beginnings, WALL-E is full of optimism. It doesn’t hammer home the environmental message, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I don’t need Pixar telling me we’re wrecking the world, and anyone who does need telling that, wouldn’t get it if they’d written it in great big letters on every single bit of footage. Go see WALL-E, it’s the best thing to come out in ages.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, written by the guy who did Knocked Up and directed by someone I’ve never heard of, is a rom-com that I was fully expecting to be crap. I was pleasantly surprised. OK, so I wasn’t crying with laughter but I chuckled a lot and may have even guffawed once or twice. Peter (played by the guy who wrote it) is an unusual choice for a male lead, being pretty plain, but he was endearing, loveable, and yet normal. Mila Kunis, who’s the voice of Meg in Family Guy, is freaking gorgeous. I don’t know how I missed that fact. And Russell Brand played Russell Brand. As usual, I couldn’t help but like him anyway.

There was no message, it wasn’t trying to be big and clever, it was just enjoyable and uplifting. The unrated version also had full frontal male nudity, Mila Kunis’s breasts and some entertaining sex positions from Russell Brand. Winner.

So after some good films, it was King Arthur that was the let down. I cannot see how the man who wrote Gladiator, one of my favourite films of all time, wrote this. The script wasn’t appalling, but it wasn’t fantastic either. The acting, from people who I usually adore, was wooden and just generally pants. Every time Clive Owen started making a speed, I cringed. His knights were decently written but badly acted, and his speeches to them just seem so forced because they weren’t the type of men to listen to them. It was like someone had said ‘It’s an historical epic, we need an average of four inspiring speeches per hour whether they’re appropriate or not.’

On the plus side, the cinematography wasn’t half bad and I did enjoy the battle scenes (I was watching the Director’s Cut so they were probably longer). I just didn’t really care who lived or died. If I’m perfectly willing to go away and get a drink, without pausing a film, in the middle of the climatic battle scene, there’s something very wrong with your character development.